As Dec. 25 rapidly approaches, Santa Claus has given CatchItKansas.com a sneak peek at what some sports organizations and athletes will receive for Christmas. Chris Parker and I just couldn’t stand to keep that information to ourselves, so here is the list – which we typed up for you – of gift recipients and the most appropriate Christmas presents they could find under the tree this year:
New York Yankees – A piece of coal roughly the size of the pecan pictured above because they will not settle for anything but the biggest, most expensive coal. Anything less would not be their style.
New York Yankees – A piece of coal roughly the size of the pecan pictured above because they will not settle for anything but the biggest, most expensive coal. Anything less would not be their style.
Bishop Carroll wrestling team, which earned its 100th dual win and hopes to break the City League record – Permission from Obama campaign supporters to use their slogan: “Yes we can!”
The rest of the City League wrestling teams – Permission from Obama campaign supporters to use their slogan: “We want change!”
Marcus and Markieff Morris – A special trip by Santa’s elf to make sure the KU basketball twins don’t inadvertently receive a Red Ryder BB gun.
Bill Walker – A map to the restrooms at Boston’s TD Banknorth Garden. No matter what they tell you at Bramlage Coliseum, towels on the bench are not an option. Period.
Detroit Lions – A box of Christmas candy, suitable for sharing, and a sincere note of appreciation from the Kansas City Chiefs. As long as the Lions are around, the Chiefs can point to a team worse than them.
Tour de France – A unicorn. Based on drug testing records, nothing seems to be real in the race anyway.
Tony Romo – A break from his relationship with Jessica Simpson. We’re tired of hearing about it, and he might even play better. After all, going on a break worked for Ross and Rachel – didn’t it?
The National Hockey League – Well … um … Santa left you off the list. He kinda forgot you existed.
Kansas’ 5A football teams – An influx of transfer students to Hutchinson to bump the Salthawks back up to Class 6A.
College football – Six tons of dynamite to finally blow up the BCS.
KU basketball fans – A DVD of the national-championship game so everyone can forget the loss to UMass in Kansas City. Seriously! UMass?!?!
Oklahoma City Thunder – A winning streak, since the program has yet to experience one in OKC.
The New York Mets – Training courses in the Heimlich maneuver so that if they start another epic September collapse, they will know what to do.
Downtown arena – An opener that features WSU vs. KU or K-State. This may be premature, but when it opens, it should open big.
PGA tour – The ability to freeze time because Tiger Woods is on his way back.
Manny Ramirez – A cardboard box and freeway overpass to sleep under, just in case he doesn’t get the $20-plus million he is demanding. Who could possibly live on anything less?
City of Detroit – A hug. First the Tigers, then the economy, now the winless Lions and the Pistons, who are 10-11 since Allen Iverson debuted. Hey, at least the Redwings are still good.
Ohio State football team – Mercy. Enjoy it now because an angry Texas team will offer none on Jan. 5.
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1 comment:
You wrote: "Marcus and Markieff Morris – A special trip by Santa’s elf to make sure the KU basketball twins don’t inadvertently receive a Red Ryder BB gun."
Well, you gotta let 'em have SOMEthing cool. I don't think that this year they'll have much chance of winning a "major award"...
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